Wednesday, May 01, 2013
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Just decided to write today since it has been so long coming here! I am still in a lot of pain due to my back and neck,bone spurs,degenerative disk disease,etc..!I am so angry with how our President is running things today and all the stress He is putting on the American people !!It is hard enough for all of us to live today with the prices of food,housing,health,and all our needs being met with what we earn at work or with what we get when we are disabled from the work field!I think the president and all congress,government ,should try living with the same amount that middle class or lower class live with,see if they would be able to even go one day without their lifestyle!!LOL!!I am so ,absolutely disgusted at how much the president is giving out of his earnings ,5%,WOW!!! $1,500.00 a year? That is like pennies from his pocket and he thinks he is doing such a great thing???Now he is going to mess with our yearly raise in cost of living? How about mess with their own cost of living over there in Washington D.C.? How about cutting some of your own instead of messing with the struggling american people who work so hard for the small amounts they make each day to provide for their families!Now bring in more Alien workers so they can take those jobs also that belong to the American people who are more than willing to work .They try to say those are jobs that nobody wants,well have they given them a chance to get the job? No, right away they hire the illegals because they can pay lower wages and have no argument. They don't have to worry about taking out for their taxes,SSI,or health insurance,why not they save a billion each year by hiring these people!!Now they are working on a reform so more workers can come take more jobs.I cannot believe what is happening in this Country" We The People",what has happened to our honor and what has happened to the caring for one another that we once had back in, like, the 6o's to 80's it seems to have been lost more and more!!Health care used to be a lot easier for all of us to get and we did not seem to be quite as greedy as we are today ,or should I say our Doctors and Health Providers .Our insurance is being taken away more and more since we have to help so many new people who are not even citizens of these United States!This is what I believe,I have gone eight years now with so much pain everyday that radiates down my legs and arms yet all that gets done is the same circle over and over,change this med and change that med like a guinea pig ! I am so tired of living anymore at times and don't want to live the rest of my life this way!!My insurance only pays about a third of what the Surgeons want so they will not even consider me a candidate for surgery,I will rather go than be this way!What is it that has to be done for us to wake up and hear and see what is happening to our, once ,country that helped one another and cared for our fellow man?? Where is the fight for our constitutional rights and our pride in our freedom of speech gone. It seems we are just letting it go and we will end up loosing it completely!!I don't want to loose my freedom of speech and the right to have a life free of pain,the Patients Rights says this is given to all !Just in a mood to rant and I know it is all mixed up here but who cares ,I feel so much inside it gets frustrating and I don't know how to express it in a way that is in order!!Forgive me if it is all mixed up here and just please let me rant on and on!!!Maybe we all need to do more of it!!!
Saturday, May 21, 2011
I have decided to close my writing for a while since I really don't think I have any viewers interested in reading about my problems. I probably would not want to read about all the problems someone else had everyday either! So until I can figure out how to write decent blogs ,I am gone! I will look in on this spot here and there but for now ,bye,bye!
Saturday, May 07, 2011
I would like to inform all who even care to read my Blog that I am having so much trouble with this PC that it is hard to keep up with writing and doing what I want with my Blog spot. I would love for you to look at my wishlist at amazon.com and see what I have wished for. Especially a laptop so I can sit and stand easier and do my work!I know that it would be asking a lot for anyone to consider it but it doesn't hurt to try!The other stuff are just things that are pretty and not real important. My daughter and I are having a lot of trouble getting around since her Ford Truck (1970)won't start. We need to find a place or someone to help get it sold or trade for something she can drive so we can get food and do stuff that needs done just like everyone does.I feel trapped here and so does she since we have no friends to give us rides or family who care enough to even call us.Do you out there know a way for us to get a vehicle that will run just good enough to get back and forth and that would fit my electric wheelchair so I can go somewhere once in a while,besides my doctor appointments? I hope I will get some response ,any response, I am starting to think that this Blog thing is not even being read since I don't get any comments at all except from my daughter and that was just to test it out ,it does work!
Well,I have not written for some time now so it probably seems to you that I have become a lost soul or stranger to all of you.I have been busy with helping to get my house in order and still sorting for the Big Spring Yard sale, I just wish that I could have a place of my own so I could start my very own Thrift Store!I have always wanted to own one and I have dreams of how I would fix it up and run it. My store would be so different than all the other Thrift Stores we see out there that are set up somewhat the same. All have rows of clothes,dishes,electronics,etc..., well not so with mine!That is all I am going to reveal about my design so that I can possibly carry it out one day. I told my doctor that if I were to be able to work again I would go back to building and repairing computers,I talked to my daughter about this and realized that my first and biggest dream was hidden deep and did not surface while talking to my doctor. For on thing I take so long just repairing our own PC's that I don't believe it would be very profitable for me to even think of doing this ,besides I am unable to sit or stand long enough to get one done, in a timely manner for a customer, to make the business go at all . I want to own and run a great Thrift Store and help others along the way!This will never happen as long as I am living on this fixed income so I have to find some doctor that will at least give it a try to dig in my body and remove whatever it is causing the pain in my lower back down my legs and feet. I don't care about my neck as much right now because if I can walk more and get around better without so much pain I could become a useful citizen again. I want this so much and I am not going to give up just yet! I will keep pushing for that one doctor or that one procedure that will enable me to follow my dream in order to make it a reality! I am in so much pain lately that the pills they prescribe just barely make it tolerable. I do want to get away from all these pills that are just covering the real problem and the real problem is just getting worse as time goes on.. Nerves don't heal themselves as far as I know they just get more aggravated and give more pain, find new routes to take through your body and destroy more. I am feeling these things happening inside me and I want it stopped!I am still around so give me a holler!!More Later And We Hope In A Better Frame Of Mind!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Well, I have to say, I am not too good at keeping up with this journal business. As tho you could not see. I am making an effort tho! I am hurting quite a bit lately and it is hard to get myself motivated when this happens. I have been helping to get this house in order,Spring cleaning, sort of. That a lone gets me hurting worse. The more activity I do the more I start hurting. I don't understand this too much! Why it is that activity would make you hurt more and not help the pain go away more?Doctors keep saying to keep doing the active stuff and don't seem to realize it is that active stuff that aggravates the nerves and makes that area worse.I quess I will never understand why some Doctors do what they do or say!Possibly part of it is just so they can get you out of thier office as fast as they can so they can go on to the next victim,money talks and that is that!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
I am awake all night. I can not sleep . I am in a mind whirl again. I had my appointment with my counselor yesterday and every time I go to these meetings I leave with all the stuff still going in my head. It is not my counselors fault,it is no fault of any one. I am trying so hard to forget about my mother,my brother, and my sisters. It is for the best because of all the anxiety and stress I have when I am around them or when I talk to them in any way. I keep trying to go to sleep but all I can do is think about the past. It won't leave me alone. The past is a place that is full of fear,anger, sadness, all the emotions of my childhood come back to haunt me after these sessions.I know that it is good for me to talk and get it out but that's the problem, I don't talk a whole lot about my childhood, not in a whole lot of detail. Maybe that is why I am having these visions of being locked up in our bedroom all day sometimes,seeing my mother soaked in blood, something we were not supposed to see. I see maggots on our bed that has been soaked over and over with urine," sleep in it, you did it !" That is what I hear my mother say after she flips it over. I am running to catch up with my brother and sister after school because they know I will get in trouble if I don't get home with them. I am sent to that bed! "Get to bed ,you were playing around! I know you can get here with them if you weren't playing around with that friend of yours again."These memories and more keep whirling around in this head of mine when I am trying to get some sleep. The pain gets even worse and then I have to get up and move around a little to ease some of the pain in my hips, legs and head. Since the passing of my Aunt in December 2010, I have not heard from my mother or siblings at all . We helped clean my Aunts house and since then no word from them. It was as tho we suddenly developed a disease, my heart hurts at times because I can not for the life of me figure what has happened to cause the communication to stop so abruptly. They live about one block from us and a phone call away.Why? What happened, I am stunned and numb most of the time. I guess that is good because it helps me so I don't get all worked up over it all the time. I feel that it is not my place to call and apologize or whatever it is they want. I have always said "I'm sorry!" even tho the problem was no cause of mine, or so I felt that it wasn't.When I talk about we in the matter of communication stopping, that is including my children.My mothers grandchildren! I am sick and tired of living sometimes and especially when my own blood family won't even say boo to me or care whether we need them . I came here to be close to my mother because she begged me to. She told me that we would help each other with our disabilities,do things together and help with things that needed done. I have never felt as tho my mother wanted or needed me around. It felt good when she asked me to come to be closer to her. I fell for it again! Now, I just hope I can get a little sleep today, I am tired!
Thursday, April 07, 2011
I am up and it is hard to get going . I have felt this way for a few days now and can't get myself to do anything. I am constantly fighting with my mind, what do I do today; wash clothes, take a shower, vacuum,or whatever needs to be done. I then do nothing but sit and let my mind go into a whirlwind of thoughts like; why is it this way and why is it that way! Meaning I don't accept my condition of limits to what I can and cannot do. I am in constant pain in my legs and arms. Sometimes my headaches so bad I want to throw up, excuse the term. I did succeed today in taking my shower without help and I am proud of myself ! I know this may sound kind of ridiculous to some of you but, I do have a chronic pain problem along with other disorders; major depression, acute anxiety, and spondylosis (bone spurs on my spine, diffuse spondylosis). I am going to doctors for my condition but they don't always know exactly how to help you until they get to know everything about you. I keep wondering how long it takes for them to get to know you and what you need? I have been going for over seven years now to several different doctors and specialists without results. They do have my records from everyone I have seen so what's up with all this "I can't help you" or" we will put you on a different pill!"With all this in mind , I am also having family and financial difficulty,just about like anyone else out there. I can not get my head to work for me! I am in a stand up, sit down stand up, sit down syndrome and this is due to the pain with my spurs. I do wish I could get out of this whirlwind tho and I could sure use some tips . This concludes my Blog for the day. I hope everyone has a great spring day out there today,I will try my best to do the same!
Monday, April 04, 2011
I have to apologize again to any readers out there, if I have any. I am going to change my blog to pages soon and it will take me some time to finish designing what I want do do with it. I am going to have separate pages for all my topics! I will continue my autobiography on a separate page and my journal will be here on the first page. I hope you will not stop reading my blog because of this! I will get it up and going again soon. Please realize that I am a new user for blogging and still learning the ins and outs of all I can do here. I want to do a good job at blogging and it takes a little bit of studying to do so. I have made a lot of mistakes already and I would like to avoid more of them as much as possible in the future. So, I will be back with , hopefully, some better and different quality to my blog spot. Thank you for your patience!
Friday, April 01, 2011
I want to let my readers know that it may be a few days to a bit longer between posts because I do have difficulty sitting long periods of time at the computer. I have a lot of outside appointments and don't get to my writing as often as I would like. Also bear with me ,I am still experimenting with my pages on this Blog spot so it is most likely to change in looks occasionally. I am editing some of my Blogs so forgive me if what you have read before has changed since. These changes are due to my feelings , they were inadequate for publishing with the wording I had used. I have to explain that I have chronic pain due to degenerative disk disease and spondylosis (Bone Spurs) up and down my spine. This will effect the time spent here and I do apologize for that.I am so excited about having the ability to come to this place and write what I have been wanting to write for so many years. I only wish that I could stand to sit and be here for longer sessions or should I say longer Blogs!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
My father, Kenneth, was a very heavy drinker and enjoyed going out to The Eagle's Lounge with his buddies. I guess some members of my family have been members of the Eagle's since 1909. My Great grandfather ,Ernest Shoemaker, was one of the first to join. Back to my father and his overindulgence. Just like most young men and women of all generations do, at times. I got, from stories I have heard , he was k-
nown to be quite the ladies man. Also got into a few squabbles here and there.
Sunday, March 06, 2011
Wednesday, March 02, 2011
She is just a baby ,born November 1956. A small town in Wyoming named Sheridan. She is about eight months old and has an older brother, three years old and a sister, two years old . The door on Fifth street was locked from the outside. Drunk and angry after fighting with his wife, Father locked the door before leaving to who knows where . Mother has two broken ribs and is unable to get out . Evidently someone has found this out and came to her rescue. Father's relatives came,an aunt who cared very much for Mother and knew what was happening, brought other relatives with her to help break down the door. What they found inside was not a pretty site! The children were dirty and Mother could hardly breath let alone try to take care of three small ones. This is how my Father lost the Transfer and Storage Company he owned . He was drunk and irresponsible all to often. He also lost his family, we ended up leaving him and never seeing him again until much later in our life. So, as earlier written , she did not know all these brothers and sisters until much later in her life.
Monday, February 07, 2011
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
A little more about myself: I was born in Sheridan ,Wyoming,1956. My family moved from state to state and then back again. We lived pretty much wherever we could ,tents,with others, in the car, if we had one of course. Reason for moving so much never occurred to me until I grew up and found out that my step-father had warrants and child support owing for his first family. Anyway,back to childhood; I have so many siblings, I have to stop and think about who and where they all come in. O'kay here goes,I have one older brother and one older sister from my real father and mother,so that makes three of us so far. Then there are four children from my step-father and mother, seven of us now! My real father and step-mother had two children together so that would be nine, then step-mom had four children and my step-father had three children,so I guess that adds up to about sixteen in all. Wow! Too much for me to keep track of and I really don't keep in touch with all like I should once in a while. My real father,I didn't really get to know until about the age of thirteen to fourteen. He lived in California and never came around except one night when i was about nine years old, living in Arvada ,Wyoming. He was at our door asking my mother if he could take the three of us to Sheridan,about sixty miles away, for milkshakes. It was late at night I do remember and I assume the answer was no because I never saw him again until My brother ,sister and I decided that we wanted to go live with him.We were very unhappy with how we were living and did not like the environment of our household . There were things happening in our household that did not set well with us . The job that brought money into our house was not exactly apropriate for, how do I say this, children being around and able to see what was happening . My step-father was all for this and decided that my sister and I were old enough to start also!This was the start of a new life for the three of us and going to California was exciting and so scary! I need to stop here and stand awhile,my back is not liking the chair I'm in . Be back soon I hope!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
First of all I want to let some who may not know the word "Verslibriste",means"a person who writes free verse!" I can't say that all I write will be freely written because of names and all the crap you have to go through if you say anything that may hurt feelings and all that sort of mumbo jumbo! I will write my true feelings without names and my story is mine and I will write as I perceive not as you do. You have your own perception of how you have lived and seen things and I have mine,so you out there that try to tell me it wasn't that way ,it was this, write your own blog and leave me alone!Anyway this is about to begin and I am so nervous starting a blog and letting so many read it. I want this to be my most favorite place to go when I am in the mood to let go!So now that I have started I must go for a little while and I shall return with my freedom of verse!Now I need to let you know that for my own security and safety I need to say that this is a work of non fiction. Names, characters,places,and incidents are products of; the author's(Versie Bartlett) own life and any perception to events, locales, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely of my own perception and.may not reflect the same for others ;No part of my writing may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in areas as needed. Thanks for your input and I will look forward to hearing any ideas , remarks, feedback,and criticism you have to give. Patience please because I do have a hard time sitting for long periods,so I may take awhile to answer your comments!This blogspot, at http://www.verslibriste.blogspot.com/ is the personal; blogspot of Versie Bartlett. Entries to this blogspot represent my personal opinion.All entries are copyright (c) Versie Bartlett, as of date of posting .